Your child's welfare comes first in a mediated parenting plan

By selecting mediation, you as parents are committing to work together to determine what is best for your children, rather than being adversarial and ultimately letting the court decide what is best for your children.

For mediation to work, both parents must agree with these principles:

• that each parent wants the best for their children
• that each parent is a good parent in his or her own way
• that contact with both parents is best for the children
• that you as parents will communicate with each other over time about your childrens’ welfare.

Within these ground rules, you can begin to explore parenting plans and the many options you have.
Legal and physical custody
Communications
Residential arrangements
Schooling

Legal and physical custody options

Joint Legal Custody. Joint legal custody means that Dad and Mom both have equal rights and responsibilities in major decisions regarding the child's upbringing, including education, health care and religious training. Neither of their rights is superior to those of the other parent. Neither Dad nor Mom will do anything that would lead to estrangement between the child and the other parent, or will perform any act that would interfere with the natural development of love and affection between the child and either of them.

Sole Physical Custody. Dad and Mom agree that (one of them) will have sole physical custody of the child.

Joint Physical Custody. Dad and Mom agree that they will share joint physical custody of the child.

No Designation of Physical Custody. Dad and Mom agree not to designate a physical custodian of the minor children. Their understanding is that Dad will have physical custody of the minor children when he is on-duty and caring for the child according to their parenting schedule of exchanges and Mom will have physical custody of the minor children during the time that she is on-duty and scheduled to care for the child according to their parenting schedule of exchanges.

The natural communications that occur when both parents live together will be more difficult when parents live separately. To facilitate communications, divorced parents often mediate the following agreements:

Direct communications. Dad and Mom understand that sending messages to the other parent through the child places the child in the middle of their conflict, and that it is their responsibility to communicate with each other directly. They also know that disrespecting the other parent is harmful to the child's sense of self and so they each agree not to do these things. Instead, they will encourage the child's relationship with the other parent and give each child clear permission to love, and be proud of, the other parent.

Accepting differences. Mom and Dad each understand that their parenting styles may be different and that the differences will enhance the child's growth. They each agree to accept and respect each other's differences.

Using discretion. Mom and Dad agree that they will refrain from discussing their personal lives and parenting problems or differences with the child. They agree to respect each other's boundaries. They agree that their separate lives and private lives are no longer joined. They each agree not to enter the other parent's home or private space without being invited.

Open access to parents. When the child is with the other parent, Dad and Mom agree that they children will have open access to the parent they are not staying with. They will each also encourage and help the child communicate frequently with the other parent. They agree to give the other parent the address and phone number where the child can be reached anytime they are away from home for more than 24 hours.

Transportation for exchange of the child. Dad and Mom each agree the parent whose home the child is coming to will pick them up. That parent will pick up the child's belongings at the same time they pick up the child. In addition, Dad and Mom will cooperate to help the child remember to take his belongings with them, so the child will have the personal belongings and school supplies he needs.

Resolving conflict. When they have parenting problems between them that they are unable to resolve, they will seek the services of a professional family mediator, or a professional neutral expert in family and/or child therapy to assist them in resolving the matter.

Those seeking a mediated settlement agree that the child's needs are most important as they plan their living arrangements, and also that those needs will change as the child grow older. Some considerations:

Keeping the child informed. Children will adjust better to their living arrangement when they know the schedule of when they will be with each parent. Dad and Mom will, therefore, clearly communicate to the child the regular schedule for spending time with each parent and the schedule for their holidays. They will make the schedule available to the child at each of their homes or on the Internet.

Dad and Mom should try to keep the schedules predictable, specific, and routine, and when either of them needs to make exceptions to the normal schedule, Dad and Mom will each first ask the other parent to care for the child. This requires as much advance notice as possible about a need to make a schedule change.

Provide everyone with a printed schedule. Here's a grid to help you plan.

M=Mom; D=Dad

	MON	TUES	WED	THURS	FRI	SAT	SUN
WK1
WK2
WK3
WK4

Alcohol or chemical abuse. Dad and Mom agree that neither of them will ever care for the child while impaired, nor transport the child while impaired.

In mediation, you should agree on the schools that your children will attend. Here are some of the issues and guidance around them:

Keeping each other posted on school issues. Mom and Dad will attend school conferences and will receive copies of report cards. Each parent will communicate with the child's schools to remain informed about each child's needs and progress and special events including parent-teacher conferences. Dad and Mom also agree to share any information they receive separately about the child's school progress, behavior and events with each other.

Removal from school. Mediate clear agreements on when it is OK to remove your children from school. This may be different depending on the age of the child.

Religious training and religious activities. Dad and Mom agree that the child will be raised in the ________ religion. They will each be supportive of the child's religious upbringing. Since each parent will have the child for half of the weekends, they agree to communicate frequently about organized religious activities so that each parent may be aware of the child's schedule.